Healing Disappointment

It was a special day, a great day of celebration (at least in MY mind).  The day should have been filled with love and joy, yet it ended in heartache.  I put my feet on the ground in the morning with a smile on my face and the day ended with tears in my eyes.  I was living with disappointment.  I’m not talking about disappointment like it rained on the picnic, or I spilled coffee on my dress.  It was the type of disappointment that leaves a hole in your heart.

As we struggle with those types of disappointments, they can last much longer than a day.  They can last weeks, months, years or a lifetime.  I find that as I navigate a large disappointment, it can impact much more than that moment – it moves into how I look at situations and even relationships.  My disappointment can manifest itself into negative comments, lack of patience, and high emotions.  Have you ever been in such a place?    Has you heart felt that type of disappointment?  I was there, but my larger problem was, how was I going to move on?  My spirit was crushed and pain filled my soul.

We can all live our lives trying to find the cure for disappointment.  Some may find it in shopping or eating.  Others may find it in drinking or medication.   To be honest, my first reaction was to complain about it, to myself!  I spent hours thinking and re-thinking of how all of this disappointment came to fruition.   How were my expectations so far off?  Why wasn’t it getting better?  I knew where I needed to go – I needed to find my restoration in Jesus.  Nothing on this Earth can help me in these areas of my life. 

One would think that Jesus would be my FIRST step towards recovery.  Yet, I continue to struggle in that area.  I believe that “I” can fix things.  “I” can remove the hurt.  “I” can make it better.  When the days and weeks passed and the hurt was still there, I realized what I was missing.  I was leaving Jesus out of my disappointment.  Our verse from today clearly shares how HE is the one that is close to me, that can save me.  He is the one that can fix things, remove the hurt, and make it better. 

I pivoted.  I took my focus off of me and turned my heart towards Jesus.  I prayed, I asked for guidance, and I talked to him instead of talking to me.  I prayed in the lonely moments.  I prayed in the moments of exasperation.  Only as Jesus can do, He began the healing.  He began showing me, guiding me and loving me.  Jesus had entered my heart and the tide had turned.  Is the disappointment gone?  No, it’s not.  Yet, the way “I” deal with the disappointment has changed.  The new perspective that God gave me has replaced the sorrow.  The whole in my heart has been filled with the love of Jesus.  Is it perfect?  No.  But it’s a start – a start I’m willing to take – with Jesus.

Dearest Jesus, thank you for always being there for me – even when my first thought is not you.  Disappointment can drain our hearts and souls.  Let us remember to turn to you and let your guidance and love surround us during these times.  Fixing takes time.  Your love and support will be with us for as long as it takes.  Amen!