Healing Disappointment

It was a special day, a great day of celebration (at least in MY mind).  The day should have been filled with love and joy, yet it ended in heartache.  I put my feet on the ground in the morning with a smile on my face and the day ended with tears in my eyes.  I was living with disappointment.  I’m not talking about disappointment like it rained on the picnic, or I spilled coffee on my dress.  It was the type of disappointment that leaves a hole in your heart.

As we struggle with those types of disappointments, they can last much longer than a day.  They can last weeks, months, years or a lifetime.  I find that as I navigate a large disappointment, it can impact much more than that moment – it moves into how I look at situations and even relationships.  My disappointment can manifest itself into negative comments, lack of patience, and high emotions.  Have you ever been in such a place?    Has you heart felt that type of disappointment?  I was there, but my larger problem was, how was I going to move on?  My spirit was crushed and pain filled my soul.

We can all live our lives trying to find the cure for disappointment.  Some may find it in shopping or eating.  Others may find it in drinking or medication.   To be honest, my first reaction was to complain about it, to myself!  I spent hours thinking and re-thinking of how all of this disappointment came to fruition.   How were my expectations so far off?  Why wasn’t it getting better?  I knew where I needed to go – I needed to find my restoration in Jesus.  Nothing on this Earth can help me in these areas of my life. 

One would think that Jesus would be my FIRST step towards recovery.  Yet, I continue to struggle in that area.  I believe that “I” can fix things.  “I” can remove the hurt.  “I” can make it better.  When the days and weeks passed and the hurt was still there, I realized what I was missing.  I was leaving Jesus out of my disappointment.  Our verse from today clearly shares how HE is the one that is close to me, that can save me.  He is the one that can fix things, remove the hurt, and make it better. 

I pivoted.  I took my focus off of me and turned my heart towards Jesus.  I prayed, I asked for guidance, and I talked to him instead of talking to me.  I prayed in the lonely moments.  I prayed in the moments of exasperation.  Only as Jesus can do, He began the healing.  He began showing me, guiding me and loving me.  Jesus had entered my heart and the tide had turned.  Is the disappointment gone?  No, it’s not.  Yet, the way “I” deal with the disappointment has changed.  The new perspective that God gave me has replaced the sorrow.  The whole in my heart has been filled with the love of Jesus.  Is it perfect?  No.  But it’s a start – a start I’m willing to take – with Jesus.

Dearest Jesus, thank you for always being there for me – even when my first thought is not you.  Disappointment can drain our hearts and souls.  Let us remember to turn to you and let your guidance and love surround us during these times.  Fixing takes time.  Your love and support will be with us for as long as it takes.  Amen!

Clarity

The other morning I woke to a sky of fog.  As I peered out the window, the fog of the day seemed to fit my mood.  I began my morning routine as always, yet, my mind seemed to be a bit "foggy".  This is odd for me, as I typically have great clarity and planning for my day.  Yet, today seemed different.  Driving off to work, I passed golfers on the first tee.  They were blindly hitting their ball in the direction of the "flag", not being able to see anything.  I thought of how "purposeless" that must be, and then discovered I was doing the same thing - headed off to the direction of my "flag", aka work, without much clarity.

Half way through the morning I had realized something.  My lack of clarity had resulted in me going about my day without the same structured purpose I expect from myself.  I was following distractions which led to the purpose of my day to wane.  I needed some direction, some focus.  I needed to move out of the "fog" and into the "light".  There is only one person who can do that for me - Jesus!  I opened my Bible app to find a verse about rising up out of the fog and our verse for today popped up.  How true - my clarity needed to be Jesus - seeing HIM face to face.  

The root cause of my fogginess, whether it be a morning or a time in my life, has typically been attributed to my lack of diving into Jesus.  Maybe I skip it "just once" in order to begin the challenges of the day.  Maybe I skipped prayer time to look over a few emails before work.  Maybe I chose a different radio station other than Christian music to start my day (although fully knowing my Christian music centers my mind on the right things).  

When I turn my face away from my Heavenly Father and focus it on my reflection in the mirror, I lose my way.  I lose my clarity.  I become foggy.  My dear Lord provides me the love and direction I need to move through every day, and He's always waiting for me to come back to Him when I need a change in my reflection.  Gaining ground in Jesus and His love pulls me closer to Him and helps me to know what is truly important - the love of my Lord.  I have read 1 Corinthians 13 a hundred times and this verse never made an impression.  That foggy day, it cleared my head and provided me refocus.  Jesus took me out of the fog and gave me the clarity I needed.  The rest of my day?  Purposeful and joyful - for I knew the One that loves me more than anything took my hand and guided me to Him.  This verse reminded me that one day, I will see Him face to face and I will never be foggy again~~

Dearest Jesus, thank you for giving me just what I needed on that foggy day - clarity.  Through your word you showed me that if I changed my direction and took my view away from MY reflection and moved it to YOU, the fog would be lifted.  Thank you, for guiding me always to what is best for me.

In your name we pray, Amen~

Blueberries & Forgiveness

As many already know, I'm an autumn girl.  Summer is not necessarily my favorite time of the year.  Yet, one wonderful aspect of summer is blueberry season.  As a child, when my dad would get the family in the car and share that we were going blueberry picking, there were usually heavy sighs from my brother and me.  Yet, we would carry the blueberry bucket and pick those little gems.  As an adult, I cherish those memories and look forward to getting into the blueberry patch. 

Saturday morning was my day.  I was the first one at the patch (ten minutes before it officially opened).  The owner was gracious enough to let me begin my morning of happiness!  Blueberry pickers can be a selective bunch.  Once you pick a row, you pretty much have to stay there (an unwritten rule).  Also, many pickers like selecting one or two bushes and staying there.  Not me, I'm a nomadic picker - wandering from bush to bush for the perfect blue jewels.  The bounty was great on Saturday and I picked over eight pounds in my bucket within a short period of time.  Yet, the revelation came as I found one bush with so many berries on it.

I looked at all those berries and thought, "my goodness, my sins are much like these berries."  The abundance of berries is what caught my attention and I realized that my sins were in abundance as well.  Over the years there were "large" sins and "small" sins - yet as we know, all sins are the same to God.  My heart began to ache as I realized that regardless of how hard I may try to "do good", my sinful nature creeps its way in.  There are the sins that I commit, maybe not even realizing it at the time.  There are others that I actually think about - and make the wrong decision to commit.   Then there are the sins of things that I should do, but don't.  

As I ran my fingers through the blueberry bushes, I realized the multitude of sins that I have in my "bucket".  My heart grew heavy thinking of my sins.  Then, by what can only be described as the Holy Spirit, my heart grew from heaviness to joyfulness - realizing that by the wonderful grace and love of Jesus - my bucket was free from sins and filled with blessings.  By the incredible love of Jesus, my sins have been forgiven and forgotten.  What a blessing!!  That morning, in the blueberry patch, Jesus reminded me of how much he loves me - sins and all.  What a glorious savior we have.

Sins can weigh heavy upon our shoulders.  The memories of sins from long ago can creep back upon us and burden us.  The love of Jesus takes care of that weight and brings us the blessing of everlasting life with him.  There is no greater joy than that.  The next time you may be feeling the weight of your sins, remember the blueberry patch of forgiveness, where the multitude of sins have been covered by the one who rejoices in us!

Dearest Jesus, thank you for loving us so very much that you sacrificed yourself for all of our sins.  May we always look to you for guidance in our thoughts and actions and when we fall, please continue to be there to pick us up and love us.  In your forgiving arms I rest, Amen!

Appreciation

Sitting at my desk at work this past week, I ran my fingers through my hair - and stopped mid way.  Just stopped.  Then I took my other hand and ran my fingers through my hair.  And stopped.  My breath stopped as well.  I could feel my eyes well up and I'm thinking, "Really?  You're going to get emotional here and now?"  The memory brought me back over 20  years, when I ran my fingers through my hair and clumps of hair came out.  Like running water, the hair kept falling out.  Here I was, 20 years later, remembering that moment in time, and appreciating where I was today.

Later that day, I'm home sitting on my back deck watching the breeze blow through the trees and the same thing happened.  It was as if I was stopped in time, just reveling in the leaves turning up and down on the trees - as if I had never seen them do that before.  I looked to my right and there was my husband, on his phone like he has a million times before.  Yet, in that moment, I remembered not having his love in my life and appreciating where I was today.

With all that is happening in our lives today, we have so much vying for our attention - media, family, friends, work, etc.  It seems wherever we turn, there is something that says to us , "keep on going - you need to do more, get more, see more . . . more, more more."  That day, that very special day, the Holy Spirit was telling me - stop and appreciate.  It was more than "stop and smell the roses".  It was much more like, "stop and give praise for all you have."

Whether we believe it or not, we are all rich.  No, not the monetary rich that can buy you lavish houses and huge yachts.  I'm speaking of the richness that we get when we can rest in the arms of our Lord.  When we can step aside the daily crazy and step back into the knowledge of Jesus' love, whatever we have at that moment is exactly what God wants us to have.  For me that special day was realizing that I had hair - and remembering the days of chemo when I wasn't as fortunate.  It was realizing that love is the rest and contentment that you have with someone after a long day of work - and remembering that love isn't constant bickering and anxiousness.  

Our Lord is with us, each step of our days.  He never leaves us, he always provides.  Those provisions may not be the riches of this world, but they certainly are the riches of the heavenly realm.  Appreciating what we have at the moment brings a level of peace.  Thanking God for all of that richness is all He asks of us.  Take this moment.  What are you enjoying, right now, as you read this?  Is it a simple cup of coffee.  Is it the sunshine, the rain, the simplicity, the busyness?  Take the time to realize that at this moment, wherever you are and whatever you have, it is a gift from our Heavenly Father.  Give him praise at this moment - give him your thanks that He has stood by you, never leaving you, in all that you have.  God is Good!!  Let Him know it!!

Dear Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you.  As I sit at this moment and realize all the goodness you have given me, my joy overflows.  Praise and thanks to you, God, for never leaving me - for always being beside me.  Your love covers me in peace.  May I never forget that.  In your name I pray.  Amen!

In the Moment

I should have known better.  It wasn't as if it hasn't happened 100 times before.  I lay the plans.  I plan for days and months, for the perfect scenario.  It all seemed exactly the way I wanted it.   Lists upon lists, emails upon emails, texts upon texts - all leading up to the "big event".  I thought about hiring a caterer to do the cooking, but "I can do the cooking better".  I thought about asking for help, but "I didn't want to bother anyone."  I thought about . . .  oh, it's just easier when I do it myself.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?  I have spoken with enough people to know that I am not the only one out there who believes the best laid plans produce perfect results.  I am also not the only person who has been taught otherwise by God!  Planning isn't a bad thing.  In fact, it's good to have a plan or a course of action.  It's also important that the plan is set with our eyes on Jesus.  That can be a piece of the equation that I sometimes forget.  I get something in my head and keep pushing forward, not asking God for His help along the way.

When the plans I make get averted, my typical response is to fret and to be disturbed by the inconvenience of my plans not going my way.  Yet, I am learning.  I am realizing that being in the moment, whatever that moment provides, is so much more rewarding than a "plan going right".  Being in the moment that God has provided has proven much richer than my plans being executed.

I thought about Jesus on his "plan making".  Yes, God knows the ultimate plan for each of us.  Yet, when Jesus' plan would go array, it didn't stop him from his mission.  No food for 5,000?  Not a problem - fish and bread it is!  People wanting to be with him when he was tired?  Not a problem - there is time for everyone.  Someone needing to be healed on the Sabbath?  Not a problem - healing was more important than any rule.  Jesus lived in the moment, up until his last moment on Earth.  

Being in the moment provides us the ability to truly relate to those around us.  Enjoying who you are with and why you are with them is far stronger than the perfect meal or the perfect experience.  I am starting to realize that the "being" is far greater than the "planning".  Expectations of perfection will always leave us short.  Experiencing the moment will always fill us up.

Next time plans take a side step to what we expected, let us all not focus on what is NOT happening, but what IS happening - the plan that God wanted all along.  I'm learning to smile during those moments and say, "Thank you God" versus "Why God?"  The answer is so much sweeter!

Dearest Lord, thank you for your gentle reminders that your plans are far greater than mine.  As I make plans for the future - whether small or large events - may I connect with you first and ask for guidance.  Please provide me the insight that only you can.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Time to Water

I woke up early, did the normal morning routine and headed off to work.  The day was busy and it took all in my power to find time to breathe, never mind think of other things that needed my attention.  The day found me leaving work late and heading up the highway to home wondering what I could make quickly for dinner that wouldn't take too much brain power (I didn't have much of that left).  Walked through the door, got dinner on the table and finally gazed to the outside deck.  There it was, right in front of me - my neglect!!

The beautiful potted plants that I had spent time making sure were selected and planted at just the right angle looked as if they hadn't been watered in weeks.  Although it was only a couple of days since they had last been watered, the plants were in their pots, withering away.  It hit me that evening, like never before.  A few simple moments was all that it would have taken - to care for something so pretty.  You guessed it - as soon as dinner was over I was out there filling my plants with much needed water (and sharing with them how sorry I was).

It made me think of all the other things in my life that I may have neglected because I was so busy.  Taking the time to really listen to someone.  Taking time to make a healthy lunch versus picking up something unhealthy - or not eating at all.  Taking time to fill up that water bottle to stay hydrated.  Taking time to tell someone you love them.  Taking the time . . .  We all need to be watered or we will become withering plants.  We all need to take a few moments to gain water to keep us living.  

In walks the ONLY one who can provide the living water for us - Jesus!  As we become scorched with our daily activities, there is only One who can provide the water we need to strengthen us and help us grow.  Jesus' water is found in so many different ways.  We open our Bibles to get words that will quench our thirst.  We sing and worship to our Heavenly Father to fill us up.  We read daily devotions to gain the waters that will never fail us.  

Just like plants, we need water to sustain us.  Yes, the water that runs from our faucets, but also the living water that runs through our veins.  It is the living water that holds a place for us in paradise.  It is that living water that reminds us to take the time to appreciate all that God has given us and to uphold it in His righteousness.  It is the living water that helps us to live out our daily lives showing others the love of Jesus.  That living water strengthens us, gives us hope, grants us love and brings us Home. 

As you would suspect, the next morning I took the time to look out the window, and the plants had regained their beauty.  The same happens to us.  Once we fill our withered bodies with Jesus' living water, we will also regain our beauty.  Take the time to water - it is good for our souls!

Dearest Jesus, thank you for your living water.  Help us to drink of that water every day, to sustain us, to fill us up, to regain our beauty.  Let us be the water that others need to drink.  May we share your love with all those we meet - giving them a taste of your wonderful water.  In your everlasting name we pray, Amen!

Taking out the Garbage

We live in a small town where there is a town dump.  Instead of paying to have your garbage picked up at your house, you may take your garbage to the dump.  Saturday morning seems to be the busy time and while out doing errands on Saturday, I noticed the long line waiting to get in to this town "meeting area" so that garbage can be thrown away.  I myself have sat in that long line, waiting to rid our home of our garbage.

I know, what does this have to do with a Biblical blog post?  Stay with me~~  As I was waiting for the traffic to pass, I thought about the garbage that I have hauled off to the dump over the years.  Broken appliances, broken furniture, broken technology items - a lot of broken "stuff".  I thought a moment if I could bring to the "dump" my brokenness, all the brokenness inside of me, how would that change me?

There are many areas of my life I would like to "take to the dump" and restore with goodness; those sins that we have every day.  The times when I am angry, I would like to replace with understanding.  The times when I am prideful, I would like to replace with humbleness.  The times when I feel shame, I would like to replace with forgiveness.  

Along with all of these emotions that I'd like to take to the dump, there are habits I would like to take there as well.  I would like to replace my moments of unhealthy eating with better options.  I would like to replace my time "scrolling through my phone" with my nose in a book.  I would like to replace my sedentary moments with exercising.  Yes, there is much in my life that I need to "take to the dump" and replace with healthier emotions or habits.  

The good news is that I have help with this!  I gain the strength to make strides with all of this because I have the Holy Spirit to guide me on the right path.  With much prayer, and Jesus who loves me, I am able to see when my "garbage needs to be taken to the dump".  Once I remove the garbage from my life, I am able to fill it with the goodness that God wants for me - kindness, humbleness, servitude, forgiveness, healthy habits, and a resounding joy!  By having the Holy Spirit inside of me, teaching me, showing me the right path, and helping me to realize when I need to do some changing, I am able to have a life that is filled with joy and thanksgiving.  Instead of wallowing in the muck of garbage, I am able to smile in the light of the day.  That makes my soul happy!

I pray, as we walk through the week ahead, we identify some of the garbage in our lives and make a concerted effort to "take out the garbage" and replace it with the goodness that God has in store for us.  Identify those areas where you want to grow, and live in the goodness of Jesus' love for you!

Dearest Jesus, help us to see the "garbage" in our lives that we need to take "to the dump".  May we understand that those areas only bring us into the muck.  May we replace our garbage by focusing on the wonderful blessings you have given to us and may we be that blessing to others.  In your loving name we pray, Amen.