There it was, right in front of me. It was a Sunday morning not so long ago. I woke up and was excited to go to church, to worship our Lord. Yet, something took over my thoughts. As we got into the car, I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated, more and more angry. The "what" I was angry of frustrated about is irrelevant. What I kept saying to myself was, "I am on my way to church, the most wonderful and sacred place for me to have peace. I know what is RIGHT to think; I know what is RIGHT to feel." Yet, those thoughts and feelings were very far from me in that car. This certainly wasn't the first time I have felt like this, but it had been a long time and I was angry - most of all with myself.
As I was sharing this story with someone else, they too, shared that they had a similar experience. Although they knew the RIGHT thing at the moment was to let the anger and frustration go - that just didn't seem possible. It is hard when frustration and anger consumes us. When someone or something makes us so frustrated that we just want to stand up in a crowd of people and scream; or the anger that is inside of us is ready to pounce on anyone that stands in our way.
Many things can cause us to be this frustrated, to be this angry in life. Someone may have done something wrong against us or our family. A situation that you don't agree with may be way out of your control. Something seems so wrong in your opinion that you just can't justify it. Yes, there are many things that can get us to the point where we just don't know how much more we can take? We may share with our friends and our family our frustrations, yet, they these feelings don't seem to leave us.
When our souls are so conflicted between good and evil, it can be a defeating battle. We know what is right - we know how we should feel, but the evil takes over us. The devil is looking for that opportunity to make you angry, to make you bitter. He wants that stronghold on your heart and wants you to bear such anxiety that it overpowers your days and nights.
Yet, God wants us more. God wants us more than the devil does for He loves us every moment of every day. God wants ALL of me - He wants ALL of you. That moment when the struggle seems so strong and so overwhelming is when God wants us to come to Him - broken and full of everything we are feeling. He wants us to go to Him with our hurt, with our frustration and with our anger. God wants us more. It is at those times we may struggle in going to Him, knowing that what we are feeling may not be pleasant to God. Remember, God wants us more.
So how do we go to God at those times? We go to Him in prayer. As Job cried out to Him in despair, we too can cry out to Him. We can scream and yell. We can cry and sob. We can lament and whine - we need to give it all to Him. Then what? We step away and watch what the good Lord can do. His mercy and grace are big enough for all of our anger and frustration. Peace will elude us and life will crumble unless we give to God what He wants, US. Go to Him and share. Go to Him and scream. Go to Him and cry. Go to Him and GIVE - give it all to God. Let his wonder and awesomeness reign down on you. You can't work the miracles, God can. Let Him work the miracles in your life.
So that morning, in the car, I prayed. I prayed for God to lift the thoughts and feelings from me. I prayed for restoration of my soul. I prayed over and over again for the evil to go away and for the Holy Spirit to fill me up. I prayed. I let go. I let go of what I couldn't control. By the time of the second hymn, I could feel His beloved miracle changing my heart. I could feel His Word taking a hold in my mind. It was all there for me all along - I just needed to give it to Him, because God wants me more!!!
"Dearest Lord, there are times in my life that I am not proud of. Times when anger and frustration find a foothold in my heart. Those times bring such unrest and discontent to my life. Yet, I know that when I bring them fully to You, the devil is defeated. I know that I can bring all this to you because YOU WANT ME MORE! Bring peace to my life and use your healing hand to take away the anger. I love you God."