Scared to Start

 

 The New Year.  So often through 2020, I heard people stating, “I can’t wait until 2021 gets here!”  Certainly, after much tribulation and challenges throughout 2020, many folks were waiting for the calendar to turn in hopes of a different 2021, a time for us to “restart” in life.  Reflecting on this, I thought about the restarts I have had in my life.  What was it like to restart?  Did it turn out the way I envisioned it would?  Was it completely different or much of the same?  The common theme I noticed was that in almost every restart, I was scared – scared to start again.

 Some of the major challenges in my life have come with restarts.  Cancer certainly was one of them.  After almost a year of diagnostic tests, surgery, chemo, radiation, etc., I thought I was on my way to success – a life without any worry of cancer.  I even took tamoxifen for five years for additional security of that!  It was day “five years plus one” that I became scared.  Why?  Because on that day, I did everything I possibly could do stay healthy – now it was out of my hands.

 I remember when I changed jobs.  I had been working at one organization for 15 years.  I had grown through this company, not only professionally, but personally.  I gained friends; I shared heartache; I had the security of knowing what I was doing within the framework of that company culture.  For many reasons, I searched for something new.  On that day when I said “yes” to a new job – a new organization – I became scared.  Why?  Because on that day, I did everything I possibly could to find a company where I could contribute – now it was out of my hands of decision making.

 Probably the greatest challenge came when I got divorced.  After many years of a difficult relationship, steps were taken to close that chapter in my life.  As challenging as those years were, at least I knew what to expect.   I knew the good and the bad of those days.  On that day when the judge declared us divorced – I became scared.  Why?  Through all the planning I had done to ensure financial security for my children, was it enough?  Had the right decisions been made?  Now life moving forward would be different and out of my hands.

 The common theme of being scared to start again came with one security that is truly out of my hands.  It is what is in God’s hands.  By reflecting upon each of those situations (and in so many more), I realized that although I was scared to start, there was One who was ready to take my fear and give me faith, simple faith.  My dear God was there to hold me in his hands, as long as I trusted Him in every situation.  By giving my fear to God, my soul became whole.  By giving my fear to God, I went from scared to strong!  Through simple faith in his salvation and unconditional love, I found peace.  I pray as we start 2021, our fears are turned into trust and faith, in the only One who can truly provide both for us – God.

 Heavenly Father, thank you for letting us come to you when we are scared to start something new.  Help us to trust you and have simple faith that you are who you say you are – my Savior.  Guide me from scared to certainty!  In your saving name we pray.  Amen.