As I have admitted more than once in this blog, I have a control issue. It's getting better, really, you can even ask my family!! Many years ago, I felt as if I needed to do it all by myself. I needed to orchestrate every minute of every day of those in my life. Work, home, children, everything needed to work like clock work. Do you know what happens to people like me when it DOESN'T work like clock work? Chaos. Now, "normal" people may not find it very chaotic when you leave the house two minutes late, or when dinner is seven minutes late on the table, but I did. Problematic, don't you think?
Oh, yes, it can be more damaging. When there are major issues or concerns that don't go as planned, it causes an increasingly high level of stress - not just for me, but I'm sure for those around me. Such was the day of the pool. I was newly divorced (like three weeks divorced). I was adamant that I would stay in our home and ensure that the children would continue to live their lives with as much consistency as possible. This meant, opening up our pool for the summer, a task that was always done by my ex-husband. So, I started. I called the pool store, received the proper instructions, and began the process. It was going fine, until - the leak. I tried on my own for 24 hours to work with this pool, in very hot weather, extremely determined that I was going to successfully do this and do it on my own. Yes, super woman I was. There was much yelling and screaming (to a pool that didn't talk back) as the girls watched, I'm sure, in horror. I have to admit, it was not one of my finest moments. Finally, out of pure exasperation, the two girls and I went off to the pool store.
While on our way, I silently prayed. I shared with my Lord that I just couldn't do it all - I couldn't live this life on my own, I couldn't do all that needed to be done the way I had done it before. I prayed for help - desperate help. Now don't get me wrong, I have prayed out of desperation before. Yet this time, I truly let go. "Your will be done, Lord. If this pool is not meant to be fixed, if I need to call for help, if I can't fix it, then, let me know." We solemnly walked into the store and shared our tale of woe with the "pool guy". He promptly knew exactly what the problem was (a worn O-ring), got me what I needed, and off we went. We left with a rejuvenated spirit (and I with much relief).
On the way home, the song, "We are Survivors" came on the radio. We all belted it out - and it quickly became our anthem as we spent the next couple of years trying new and different things on our own; cutting down our own Christmas tree, painting rooms, etc. We changed the O-ring and the leak was fixed. The pool was enjoyed that summer. We had "won".
Yet, the true winning had come with the release. I realized that evening, and many evenings since then, that the power of my days and nights comes in the release - the release to God. Our Dear Lord is the one in control, not us. He is the winner, over sin, death, and the devil. When I truly release my life to Him, I too become the winner. Oh, the journey to release has not been easy. I often confess to dear friends the struggles I continue to have with the temptation to hold onto things in my life too long - worry, frustration, doubt, fear, etc. Do you? Do you struggle with these same temptations? They can truly overcome us, with stress so overwhelming that it can work to destroy us. Have Simple Faith. Start today. Pray with me that we will start each day in God, asking Him to be with us, guide us, help us as we move forward. It has changed my life.
When I give my days over to God, he has blessed them abundantly. I remarried and my husband became my "live-in" pool guy. God, indeed, blessed me abundantly with my dear husband. He worked wonders with that pool for many years, as our blended family enjoyed the summers together, swimming and laughing. The pool is now gone, but the lessons that I learned have shown me the wonder of God, the strength He has in my life and the power of Simple Faith.
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (NIV) Philippians 4:13